Matchmaker
by desert-storm-cloud
Summary: Under conditions of extreme boredom, Havoc, Breda, Falman,and Fuery have decided to play the game matchmaker! Who are they trying to set up? Why, Roy and Riza, of course!
1. In Which Matchmakers are Made

_Disclaimer: I, desert-storm-cloud, do not own FMA. ::sad::_

**1: In Which Matchmakers are Made**

Roy Mustang's office was unusually quiet for a Friday afternoon. The office, which was usually filled with loud chatter, the sounds of gun shots, dog barks, and yells of men as they were burned, was oddly subdued. Perhaps this was because the Colonel had run off to the bathroom an hour ago after glimpsing the work load that he still had piled on his desk. He had not returned. Or perhaps the office was so quiet because Riza Hawkeye had run off to hunt the Colonel down, menace in her eyes. Whatever the case, the infamous Colonel's office was quiet, and the men that were crowded inside it were completely and utterly bored.

"I'm bored," Havoc said for the umpteenth time, puffing at his cigar with his feet propped up on his table. He was making the best of the time he had to slack off while Hawkeye was off searching for the Colonel.

"Me too," said Breda, noisily munching on his sandwich and accidentally spraying Falman with bits of food. Falman hastily wiped his face, wrinkling his nose disapprovingly.

"Actually, I've just finished my work and now have absolutely nothing to do. So one could say that I am, in a sense of the word, bored as well," he said, cleaning up his work area before Breda could spray him again. Fuery sat diligently working, but feeling quite dull and bored himself.

"How about we all play a game?" Fuery suggested, the child at heart. All the men of the office stared at him. Games were fun, played when one was bored…

"What game would you like to play?" Falman asked cautiously. Fuery tilted his head, thinking.

"I'm not sure…" he said, staring out the window. "Truth or dare, perhaps…?" Breda and Falman exchanged willing glances, but Havoc shook his head. His eyes were suddenly over-bright. An idea had obviously struck him (a rare occurrence) but the mysterious glint in his eye only made Roy's subordinates uneasy.

"No, I have a better idea! We are going to play matchmaker," Havoc announced, throwing his cigar away, eyes gleaming. He grinned around at his fellow comrades, expecting shouts of approval, but they all stared at him in obvious confusion. Except, of course, for Falman.

"Matchmaker- one who arranges a marriage between two individuals, usually of the opposite sex," Falman recited. "We are going to arrange someone's marriage?" he asked, confused. Havoc banged his head against the desk.

"That's not what I mean. I'm talking about the game, matchmaker. This is how you play: everyone's aim is (he paused here for the dramatic effect) to hook up a chosen man and a woman with each other before any other contestant does. In order to set them up, you have to create romantic scenarios between the two individuals until they finally kiss. The man who gets them to kiss first wins the game. The grand prize for the winner is $300 dollars, in cash, from _each _player." Silence followed Havoc's explanation.

"So, basically," Breda finally said, "we are acting like matchmakers?" he asked rather stupidly. Havoc nodded, and a broad grin spread across Breda's face.

"I'm in," he said.

"So am I," Falman said. He was very bored, after all. Everyone turned to stare at Fuery, who didn't particularly enjoy intruding into other people's businesses. However, under threat of being called a chicken for the rest of his life, he quickly agreed to play the game matchmaker as well. And so, the matchmakers were created.

"Who are we trying to set up?" Fuery asked. Just as he was speaking, the hallway was suddenly filled with the sound of running feet, yells, and gunshots. Fuery, Havoc, Falman and Breda all sprinted to the doors, weapons in hand and peeped outside. The slightly open door revealed a cowering and sprinting Mustang followed by Riza Hawkeye aiming at him, gun in hand. Roy's subordinates laughed at the site, when another idea suddenly hit Havoc in the head.

"Comrades," he said. "The couple whom we are going to set up is- Colonel Roy Mustang and Lieutenant Riza Hawkeye!" Havoc announced as Roy sprinted past him into the confines of the office. He threw himself in his chair and began to randomly scribble on his papers just as Riza Hawkeye entered, murder in her eyes. Breda, Falman, and Fuery stared at Havoc, convinced he was absolutely nuts, but Havoc only grinned.

For the rest of the day, the office was still quite silent, though its inhabitants were no longer bored. Roy Mustang was busy trying to please Hawkeye with his work while Riza was finishing her own, eyes following Roy like a hawk's. Breda, Havoc, Falman, and Fuery were each wrapped in thoughts about how to get the Colonel and the 1st Lieutenant together.

A/N: Just something I've decided to try. Hope you enjoyed! Don't forget to review :)


	2. In Which Havoc Concots a Failing Plan

_Disclaimer: I, desert-storm-cloud unfortunately do not own FMA_

**2: In Which Havoc Concocts a Failing Plan**

Havoc stared outside the office window into the nearly impenetrable darkness. The only source of light on the streets was the occasional car passing by. As his eyes gazed into nothingness, Havoc thought about how to get Roy Mustang and Riza Hawkeye together. His eyes drifted towards Riza, studiously working on her last few papers for the week. She looked quite passive, and a certain sweetness lingered about her face now that she wasn't holding a gun in her hand. Havoc wondered why the Colonel, who would hit on any female in a skirt or otherwise, had not taken the chance to hit on his 1ST Lieutenant.

Roy Mustang threw a furtive glance at Riza before finally shoving his last paper aside. Eyes still glued on her, he got up and stretched in a way that announced he was finished with his work. Riza's eyes snapped away from her papers, the innocent, studious look gone from her face. She threw a fierce glare in Roy's general direction, making the Colonel cower with fright.

"Don't look at me like that, 1st Lieutenant, my work is all done," he said, holding his empty hands up and throwing Riza what he apparently thought was a winning grin. Riza looked suspicious but mollified.

"Well, sir, I hope you have a pleasant night," she said, turning back to look at her paperwork, the angelic look back on her face again. Havoc observed Roy's sigh of relief…and he also noticed the lingering glance that Roy gave Riza before hastily looking away. A gentle smile had formed on his lips.

Havoc was confused. Had he never noticed that the Colonel actually seemed to have a soft spot for the 1st Lieutenant? Perhaps this was an easier challenge than he had expected…Havoc remembered the glare Riza had thrown Roy and sighed. Of course it wouldn't be easy. However, Havoc now had an idea of what he was going to do to bring those two together.

Inconspicuously, he rose from his chair muttering something about going to the bathroom. No one noticed him. Quickly, he walked to the door of the office, passing the coat rack on his way out. He made a dive for Roy's coat before heading straight for the door and exiting the office. No one noticed this either. Sighing, Havoc stuffed Roy's coat behind a potted plant. He dived towards the bathroom just as the Colonel walked out the door, whistling a merry tune, quite unaware of the fact that his coat was hidden behind said potted plant. Havoc waited for Roy to exit headquarters before slipping back into the office, picking Roy's coat up on the way.

"Oh, Lieutenant Hawkeye," Havoc said. Riza looked up from her work. "I think the Colonel forgot his coat, and it's supposed to be awfully chilly tomorrow. Do you want to drop it off for him? He lives closer to you than me…unless of course, it will trouble you, in which case I could do it myself…" Riza sighed.

"No that's alright, Jean, I'll take it myself," she said, holding out her hand. Havoc dropped the coat into her hand. _Phase one: complete, _Havoc thought, going to his seat and quickly finishing his paperwork just as the Lieutenant did. Riza tidied up her work place before finally shutting her desk down.

"Well, good night," Riza finally said to them all. She strolled out of the office, slipping her coat on, Roy's still in her hand. She shut the office door behind her, and Havoc gave her a fifteen second head-start before heading out of the office with a wave to his comrades. He followed Riza's lone figure to Roy's house at a distance, bundled up in his coat. It sure was a chilly evening.

When Riza finally reached Roy's apartment, Havoc quickly snuck into a vacant janitor's closet, watching Riza from a distance as she rang Roy's doorbell. In a few seconds, the door opened, revealing a sneezing and sick looking Mustang.

"Oh, hello Riza," he sniffled, sounding like he had a head cold. He looked down at her hands, wrapped around his coat. "MY JACKET!" he yelled, diving for the coat and sneezing on Riza. Riza backed away from him, holding it out to him gingerly. He grabbed it, slipping it on to himself and shivering as the cold cloth pressed into him. Riza stared at him, light concern in her eyes.

"Colonel, are you alright?" she asked.

"Oh yes I'm p-p-perfectly…ACHOOO!" he sneezed. "Well, it was chilly outside, and I think I might be a little sick," he finished pathetically.

"I can see that," Riza said, amused. "Do you mind if I come in to look after you? I don't really mind..." she said. Havoc's imaginatin zoomed into overdrive and he grinned. It was the perfect scenario- Roy sick, sitting near a warm fire on a chilly night. Riza- trying to help Roy during his time of need. Just as she sits down next to him, cocoa in her hand, he leans towards her to feel warmer. Their bodies touch, the heat between them grows, and before they know it, they are snogging passionately!**(A/N:WOOOOOW, he's a weird kiddie)** Havoc snapped out of his overactive imagination, agreeing with himself that the scenario was perfect, indeed.

"That would be…" Roy paused to have a long coughing fit. "That would be wonderful, Riza, if it is no trouble for you," he finally finished. She nodded, smiling reassuringly before letting herself in. She took hold of his arm to help him inside, and Havoc seized his chance to sneak into Roy's apartment. He rushed stealthily out of his closet and snuck into Roy's home, hiding himself in a shoe closet. The closet, oddly enough, had a nice view of Roy's living room, where a blazing fire was crackling in the grate in front of a comfy couch. Riza seated Roy in front of the fire, piling blankets lying around on him. Roy looked quite warm and cozy, whereas Havoc began to notice that Roy's shoe closet was quite cramped and cold. Havoc had always hated closed spaces as a kid.

"Can I make you some soup or hot chocolate?" Riza asked politely.

"Hot cocoa would be nice," Roy croaked. Riza nodded and disappeared into the kitchen, tossing him some medicine while she went. Havoc stared apprehensively at the spiders in the closet while he waited for Riza to return to Roy's side. She returned a couple of minutes later, two mugs in her hand. She handed Roy one, which he took with a grateful smile. Riza sat down beside him. Havoc's heart began to pound. Would winning the bet really be so easy? His hopes soared into the air as Roy moved his body slightly closer to Riza's. Riza pretended not to notice the action.

"So, Colonel, have you been sick all day?" she asked, concerned. "You must have only been outside without a coat for two minutes, at the most…" she mused. From the shoe closet, Havoc could only see the backs of his two superior officers, but he could still see Roy's shoulders tense under his blankets.

"Well…not two minutes, per say. I just…happened across an acquaintance of mine on the road, and I stayed back to talk to he- that person for a while longer than would have been good for me," he said very evasively. Riza turned her head to glare at him.

"Oh, so you met a date of yours?" she said in an icy voice. Roy winced, but nodded. Riza immediately moved her body a little away from Roy's. _No, no, no!_ Thought Havoc, watching his perfect plan fall apart at the seams. The Colonel really was quite stupid sometimes.

"It was no fun at all, really," Roy said in a convincing voice. Riza looked a little mollified.

Riza and Roy chatted a bit more, and they fell into a comfortable silence soon enough. When Roy finally looked like he was about to fall asleep, Riza made him a bed on the couch, which he fell into. He immediately began snoring. Havoc cursed Roy- his plan for getting the two to kiss had failed, miserably. He sighed, comforting himself that this was only his first try, and he really had gotten rather close…something no one else had done...

Riza settled into a rocking chair in between the shoe closet and Roy's bed. She fed the fire more logs as Havoc muttered many more imprecations under his breath. There was no way he would be able to leave the closet with the First Lieutenant so nearby! The small space seemed to shrink and grow colder as Havoc banged his head against the wall, cursing his luck, wondering how he could leave the house without being shot or burned.

**A/N: Hehe, poor Havoc! Thanks to LittleMissWinchester, Jenny Grammy, ADDVengance, winglessfairy25, kakashifan915, and phantomferret69 for the reviews! Hope you all enjoyed and don't forget to drop a review :) **


	3. In Which There is a Lot of Eating

_Disclaimer: I, desert-storm-cloud, do not own the magical FMA, but I do own Lydia Jones, her diner, and the cashier Kitty. MWAHAHHAHAHA…I'm done now._

3: In Which There is A Lot of Eating

"And so I had to run out of the apartment, screaming my lungs out, while I was chased by flames and bullets," cried Havoc, in tears and filled to the brim with self-pity. Breda snorted into his cheese sandwich, snickering. He sipped at his soda, a wide grin spread across his face.

"Well now, that story just made my day. It's nice to hear about someone else's failed attempt," Breda said, now munching on some fries. For a huge eater, Breda wasn't the fattest guy around- he was just broad and solid, but boy, could he eat _a lot_. Havoc, through his misery, watched in frank admiration as Breda bit into his second sandwich of the hour.

"Well, I wanna see if you get any closer, Mr. Eats-like-a-cow," Havoc grumbled, staring at the food dripping out of the end of his sandwich. Breda shrugged.

"Well, where do you think I get my smarts from? See this?" He pointed to his sandwich. "Brain food," he said, nodding wisely. Havoc snorted. "And I bet I can at least attempt to bring the Colonel and the Lieutenant together without getting my hair singed and a hole in my jacket." He stared at Havoc's haggard appearance and Havoc grimaced. He reached into his coat and slammed a 100 cenz on the table.

"You're on," Havoc said. "You have any ideas on how to set them up yet, Mr. Smart-guy?"

"Of course I do," Breda replied. "By the end of today, I will have won the game of Matchmaker," he said smugly. Havoc raised his eyebrows in disbelief as Breda got up to throw his tray of food out, leaving a generous tip on the table. He left Havoc at the café, who was staring at his singed hair in a mirror. It was time to set his newly formulated plan into action.

Breda strolled out of the restaurant into the bustling streets full of laughter, fist fights, pushing, shoving, and cursing that emanated a claustrophobic feeling one gets when a place is way too crowded. Breda shoved his way through the scary crowd, dodging many stray dogs, finally reaching a phone booth on the opposite side of the street. Shutting the door securely, he quickly dialed the Colonel's number, praying that he would be at home. The phone rang multiple times before Roy finally forced himself to answer the phone.

"Hello," a sniffling and grumpy voice answered.

"Howdy, Colonel. Breda here," he replied. "You don't sound too good, you sick?" he enquired casually.

"I've seen better days. What do you want?" Roy asked, in no mood to prolong his conversation with unnecessary enquiries and pleasantries.

"Well, Colonel, I have some _urgent_ and _important _business to discuss with you, and I was wondering if you had time to chat over dinner tonight at about six." There was a pause on the other end of the line, and Breda knew he had excited the Colonel with talk of important business matters. There was no way Roy would refuse his invitation.

"Name the place and I'll be there," Roy finally said, sniffling but sounding eager. Breda grinned at his overall cleverness and instructed the Colonel to meet him at Lydia's Diner. Promising to be there, Roy hung up the phone, but Breda had another call to make.

"Hello?" a soft genteel voice answered the call.

"Yo, 1st Lieutenant, Breda here," he answered.

"Oh, hello Breda, how are you enjoying your day off?" she asked, sounding tired (a result of looking after the Colonel the night before).

"It's been okay, but I need to discuss something with you Lieutenant Hawkeye. Do you think that you could meet me at Lydia's Diner tonight?" There was a pause on the other end of the phone as Riza checked her plans for the night. Soon after she agreed on meeting "Breda" at the diner and hung up the phone. Breda grinned mischievously as he stepped out of the small phone booth into the bustling streets. He checked his watch which read half past two. With plenty of time left to spare, Breda decided to grab a bite of a hot dog before going shopping.

As Lydia Jones's watch read five forty-five that evening, a very peculiar customer entered her diner. He was peculiar in the sense that he was dressed in a hooded black cloak that covered nearly all of his face except for his enormous, bristly, blond mustache. He was broad shouldered and solid, giving Lydia the impression that he had an enormous appetite. Despite fearing this weird man would scare away some of her timid customers, Lydia was sure she would be able to earn extra cash off this him, and followed him with a menu as he seated himself by the window in her diner. She placed the menu infront of him as she warmly greeted the stranger into her diner.

"Welcome to Lydia's Diner! My name is Lydia, and I will be your server tonight. So what can I get you drink, Sir?" she asked in a peppy voice. The man rumbled in a low (and fake) voice that he would like two cokes. While she wet to fetch him the drinks, she saw him get up and walk to her counter. He asked the cashier, Kitty, if he could use the phone and she nodded, speechless due to his eccentric appearance. The man dialed a number speedily, and waited only a few seconds for the phone to be answered.

"Hey, Colonel, Breda here. Sorry, I might be running a little late to our appointment, but I'm not sure _how_ late, so you think you could wait for me at the diner anyway?" the funny looking man said in a rush and in a higher voice than when he had spoken to Kitty. An inaudible voice answered on the other end of the line, and the man named "Breda" soon hung up the phone, but picked it up again to make another call. To the next person that answered, the hooded, mustached man made the same speech, to the apparent same affect as the last. He hung up again, and returned to his seat. He began to chug down his huge glass of coke Lydia bought for him. Lydia hurried away from him after setting down his drinks, for fear of his eating _her_.

When Roy Mustang's pocket watch told him it was nearly six o'clock, Roy set off to Lydia's Diner, an easy walking distance from his apartment. At the same time, Riza Hawkeye was making her way through cramped and crowded streets to reach the diner by six. As she hurried along, she paused when she was a mere yard from the diner, for Roy Mustang was standing in front of her, staring at her in surprise.

"Lieutenant Hawkeye! Pleasure seeing you here," Roy said.

"Evening Colonel, where are you headed to?" she asked. Roy pointed the diner in between them.

"Meeting Breda there tonight," he said to Riza's amazement.

"Really? I was on my way to meeting him too, but I heard he was going to be a little late," she said. Roy nodded, and his charcoal eyes suddenly lit up.

"How about we have dinner together while we wait for him?" Roy asked Riza with mock-casualness, unaware of being spied on by the man with a huge blond mustache and a concealing black cloak. Riza stared her Roy, her eyebrows raised.

"Well, I'm sure he wouldn't mind eating alone, since he lives to eat…" Roy said defensively. Riza grinned, and agreed to have a bite with him. They entered Lydia's Diner, taking a seat near the man-with-the-large-blond-moustache. They chatted a little while about this and that while they waited for a waitress. Roy and Riza eventually fell into a comfortable silence.

"You know," Roy said, looking into Riza's eyes and breaking the silence. "This kind of feels like a date kind of thing….don't you think?" he asked, staring shrewdly at her. Riza, with her face poker straight answered.

"If we were both not waiting to meet and be with one man together, then yes, this would feel like a date," Riza said. As she said this, Breda felt like the smartest man on earth. Mustang and Hawkeye were feeling like they were on their first date together, and couples always kissed after a first date! His plan was going well so far.

Roy continued to stare at Riza, but an angry look was forming on his face.

"I'M NOT GAY RIZA!!!" he blurted out, causing many people in the diner to start. Lydia stared over at the cute black-haired man claiming he was not gay. She certainly hoped he wasn't, because she was very inclined to meet him. Riza started, looking alarmed like many people there.

"I never said you were, Colonel!"

"OH, REALLY? 'WE'RE BOTH WAITING TO BE WITH ONE MAN ROY!'YOU'RE MAKING ME SOUND GAY AND YOU'RE MAKING BREDA SEEM BI-SEXUAL!!!!!!" he yelled, half-joking.

Breda had been busy eating a huge sandwich that Lydia had just gotten him when he heard Roy's comment, and he immediately spit his sandwich out.

"I don't know about you, Colonel, but I'm only interested in women, I swear." Riza and Roy turned stared at the broad shouldered, blond-mustached, black-cloaked man that had just talked to them in shock, quickly turning into confusion and anger.

"Breda?" They said together. Breda grimaced under his hood, and his fake mustache bristled. He quickly stuffed the rest of his sandwich into his mouth.

"Well, howdy Colonel, 1st Lieutenant," he said. He chewed his sandwich while he watched the Colonel pull out his gloves and Riza her gun, and prepared himself to be questioned under pain of a burnt hide. At least the sandwich he was eating for the last time tasted delicious.

**A/N: Hahaha that was fun. Sorry for the update taking so long but life has been quite hectic due to travel, and flute concerts( 5--) and stuff. But tis all good now. So yeah, there is the update. Thanks to ADDVengance, Jenny Grammy, winglessfairy25, Sora loves me best, phantomferret69, Cursed Flame, "journey", leonsgirl47625, Elric Roxana, YourFavouritePlushie, kira-chan05, unknown loser (the name of the user, lolz),** **LittleMissWinchester, twilight eclipsed, and RoyXRiza for the amazingly wonderful reviews. You guys are my heroes! Also thanks to all you readers out there, I hope you enjoy, and don't forget to drop a review :)**


	4. In Which a Calculator Makes an Error

_Disclaimer: I do not own the holy magical Fullmetal Alchemist. Life is so not fair. -.-_

A/N: Hello everyone! I'm back again, after much midterm spazzing, and I hope I can update sooner next time…yeah, sorry for the somewhat long wait. Well, here's chapter four- enjoy!

**4: In Which a Calculator Makes an Error**

Monday morning had come about again, and Falman headed for his office, ready for another tiring day at work. The rain was battering against his umbrella as he quickly ran for shelter under military headquarters. Before stepping inside, Falman came across a very disgruntled looking Breda, about to step indoors. He stared at his friend, curiously gazing at his burnt hair, the scorch marks on his face, and the bullet shaped hole in his shirt, barely concealed by his uniform.

"What happened to you, Breda?" he asked, staring at the disheveled man. Breda jumped, turning around with a tiny yelp, only relaxing when he recognized the Warrant Officer.

"Oh, it's just you, Falman," Breda sighed. "Urgh, let's just say it's been a long weekend…" he began, and then recounted his disastrous attempt at trying to bring the Flame Alchemist and Riza Hawkeye together. By the end of his enlightening tale, Falman was staring at a burnt Breda, tears of laughter spilling from his eyes. Breda looked about ready to punch Falman in the face, when their little gathering was interrupted by the Colonel entering the building. Breda squealed like a little girl and went to hide his bulk behind Falman's back. Roy stared at the shadow of Breda on his way into the office, an evil grin spread across his face.

"Morning Falman...Breda," he said, stepping inside. Falman followed the Colonel with a polite greeting, a grin still plastered on his face. Breda tagged along behind him- it was going to be a long day.

Falman worked diligently through the morning as always, memorizing every paper he read with lightning speed, ignoring the regular commotion involving dogs, cigarettes, guns, and the occasional flames that took place in the office. By mid-afternoon, he had finished all of the paperwork that had been set on his desk. With nothing else to do, Falman began to think of the game "Matchmaker" again. He recalled the tale of Breda's disastrous first-attempt, and was truly puzzled by the difficulty of the task of getting the Colonel and the 1st Lieutenant together. They had always seemed like soul-mates to him, and he had supposed that with a just a little prodding, they would be standing at the alter on their wedding day.

However, Breda's most recent failure opened up the idea in Havoc's mind that perhaps Roy and Riza _weren't_ aware that they were soul-mates, the two most compatible people for each other, two people meant to be together by fate- the apprentice and the master's daughter. If that was the case, in order not to lose 300 bucks of his hard earned cash, Falman knew he needed to find a way to show them how perfect they were for each other. But how?

He sighed gloomily, no brilliant ideas popping into his head, and sat idly musing over his problems. He began to look around for inspiration. He stared at the wood patterns on his desk- no ideas formed in his head. He turned his eyes onto the finished papers before him- no inspiration could be found there. He stared at the etched patterns on the ceiling, the cabinets around the room, the Colonel, Breda, Havoc, Hawkeye, Fuery, Black Hayate, his pen, his book of records, his pack of pencils- _nothing_ was giving him any ideas! Frustrated, he picked up the first object his fingers had come across, determined to make that object inspire him. His fingers found and held his brand new calculator.

Calculators were a new invention of the country, way ahead of their time as the device that solved math-problems-that-took-hours in a matter of seconds. Falman's version was amazing- it had an assortment of games as well that one could play when bored with a calculator. Falman played with his, searching for some inspiration. He skimmed through the number of relatively high-tech games and puzzles (all of which he had solved in a matter of seconds) until he paused- staring at the screen. The greenish screen read, in bold black letters, **Compatibility Quiz**. Curiously, he selected the "link" An empty screen met his eyes- frustrated, he reached into his drawer and pulled out his calculator manual.

The beautiful, wonderful manual, told him exactly how he could use this quiz to at least help Roy and Riza realize they should have been an "item" long ago. He jumped up, sure that he would not cause the Colonel and the 1st Lieutenant to date, but hoping he would at least make them more romantically inclined towards each other.

"Colonel! Lieutenant! Look at this, sirs!" he said, jumping out of chair and startling both. Falman beckoned Riza over to the Colonel's desk as he rushed over. He saw curiosity in both their eyes, though there was a somewhat wary look in the Colonel's as he saw the calculator in Falman's hand.

"What's up, Falman?" he asked, using his most serious voice.

"Nothing of terribly great importance sir, but I found this while I was um…checking on some of my calculations," he said. He held out the quiz to Roy and Riza, who leaned in curiously, and then stared at the words: Compatibility Quiz.

"Is this some kind of joke, Falman?" Roy growled as Falman selected the quiz. Falman shook his head, quickly punching in _Roy Mustang_ and _Riza Hawkeye_, finally clicking enter. He looked up to see amusement and annoyance mirrored in both their eyes. He looked down again, expecting to see 99 or 100 compatible. What he saw instead was…

"32 PERCENT?" He yelped, clearing the screen instantly. "Oh, sorry, there must have been a mistake in the names I typed or…" he trailed off as the Colonel pulled out his gloves and Riza pulled out her gun.

"Stop playing these silly games and get back to work please, Falman," Riza threatened with a slight sigh.

"Or else," Roy added, murder in his eyes. Falman rushed back to his seat, yelling as his calculator was set on fire. As Falman attempted to save his calculator from burning, he thought about how the Colonel at least had seemed unhappy with the results of the Quiz. But he could not understand- why had his calculator gone wrong?

_This is what happens when you trust a machine_, he thought grumpily, trying the compatibility quiz again. He punched _Riza Hawkeye_ and _Roy Mustang_ in with vigor. His result was - **100 percent compatibility**. He stared at the calculator. And stared. And nearly screamed, wanting desperately to show the Colonel his new results. But the Colonel still had his gloves out, so Falman did not quite dare. Instead he sat by his desk and sulked, muttering "stupid calculator" under his breath.

A/N: Haha that felt good! In the manga, we mostly see Falman as a walking dictionary and encyclopedia, but we don't see much else about his personality. Which is really quite annoying when trying to handle how he would react to the Matchmaker situation- but yeah- this is how it ended up. Oh yes, thanks soooo much to Cursed Flame, lthawkeye91, leonsgirl47625, picesgirl01, Jenny Grammy, MoonStarDutchess, ADDVengance, and animegirl101 for the wonderful, amazing fantabulous reviews. You guys rock my socks! That's about it. Peace. Don't forget to review?


	5. In Which Black Hayate is Lost and Found

_Disclaimer: I, desert-storm-cloud, do not own the magical world of FMA. runs home crying in despair :)_

**5: In Which Black Hayate is Lost and then Found**

Tuesday morning dawned, an unusually chilly morning, inches of snow piling on the frozen grounds Kain Fuery trudged on. Bundled up in two large knitted sweaters, an enormous jacket, gloves, and two scarves, Kain made his way through pouring snow to military headquarters, knowing very well that while children were sitting home or out playing, he was to be at work, attempting to get through his huge pile of papers. But Fuery wasn't actually bitter about it- he smiled as light snow flakes fell onto his large glasses, he grinned at the sound of laughing children, and he laughed at the occasional dog that ran by, chasing kids through snow covered grounds. He was in an overall pleasant mood as he finally reached headquarters.

He passed a few acquaintances on his way up the steps, whom he pleasantly made enquiries after. Near the entrance of the building, however, he paused when he heard the sound of a helpless dog barking piteously. He stopped in his tracks, staring around and attempting to pinpoint the sound. All he could see was a huge mound of snow on the ground….moving? He stared at the dog's tail peeping out of the mound of snow before yelping and running to the dog's rescue.

He uncovered a barking Black Hayate under a foot of snow, and cradled him in his arms. The dog trembled happily in his warm hands, barking delightedly and wagging his tail. Fuery quickly checked Hayate to make sure he was alright.

"Hayate Gou, are you alright? And where is your master?" He asked the black and white dog, not expecting an answer. Hayate just stared at his founder, wagging his tail, and Fuery sighed. Covertly glancing around to make sure no one was around, he stuffed the small dog underneath his jacket.

"I can't just leave you outside all alone," he muttered guiltily, taking the dog into a No-dogs-allowed zone. He made his way hastily to the Colonel's office. Storming through the door, he scanned the room quickly for sign of the blonde 1st Lieutenant. She was no where to be found. Instead Fuery only saw the disgruntled looking figures of Havoc, Falman, and Breda, as well as the Colonel's slacking form.

"Colonel!" he yelled. Roy Mustang looked up hopefully, but upon seeing Kain looked back down to his work again.

"What is it, Fuery?" he asked wearily, expecting Fuery to pull out some animal or the other from underneath his jacket and ask to find a home for it. He wasn't entirely off the mark.

"Have you seen the Lieutenant, sir?" he asked worriedly. He saw a look of unsuccessfully concealed concern on the Colonel's face.

"No, I suppose she's just late for work today…" he trailed off, knowing perfectly well that Riza Hawkeye was never late for work. "Why do you ask?"

"Because sir," Fuery answered. "I found Black Hayate buried under a pile of snow in front of headquarters, all alone, and the Lieutenant is not usually a neglectful mother," he said, concern raging in his voice. He brought Black Hayate out from his jacket, ignoring the shrill squeal emitting from Breda as he placed the dog on the Colonel's desk. Roy Mustang looked distressed, to say the least.

"She's never neglectful…" she trailed off. His charcoal eyes showed indecision for a second before he stood up, Black Hayate in his hands. "I think I'll go look for her," he said, hurrying outside, slamming the door behind him. Fuery stared at the closed door, a startled look on his face.

The Colonel knew very well that if he showed signs of affection towards Riza by desperately searching for her in public, he would openly be making claims of affection for her- something any enemy would use against him. And yet, there he was, off to chase Riza down, without any care of how running all around in search of her would look like to people in the military.

The office door banged open, and Fuery jumped around expecting to see the Colonel again. What he didn't expect to see was a disheveled looking Lieutenant, her hair askew and her eyes over-bright.

"Did any of you see Black Hayate on your way into headquarters? I left him outside while I went to get a permission slip to leave early from headquarters, but when I came back outside to pick him up he was gone!" she said, her voice betraying surprise and anguish. "I couldn't even find his footprints in the snow!" she said, sounding extremely distressed, and on the brink of losing her self control. She really must have cared for the dog then, Fuery thought.

"It's all right, 1st Lieutenant! Black Hayate is with the Colonel!" he yelled. She turned around to look him in the eyes, relief instantly washing over her face.

"Are you sure?" she asked, her eyes already moving in search of the Colonel. Fuery nodded, _his_ eyes suddenly over-bright behind his hindering glasses.

"Why don't you go look for him? He just went out to look for you, I'm sure you'll bump into him…" he said. Riza hesitated for an instant before absent mindedly nodding.

"Alright, I'll just make sure Black Hayate is okay in his incapable hands," she joked with a straight face. Fuery laughed nervously as she left the office, closing the door behind her. That was when the wheels in Fuery's head started to turn- he was sure there would be no kissing on office grounds, but perhaps the Colonel and the Lieutenant would be extremely pleased with each other when they found each other. One with the dog, the other in desperate search of it…

Though Fuery's mind had been occupied mostly by his work and the occasional stray animal on the road, he had not forgotten about the game, Matchmaker, which he was supposed to be playing: he didn't want to loose 300 cenz of his hard earned cash. But at the same time, he felt terrible for invading the private affairs of the Colonel and the Lieutenant, who had always been relatively kind to him. So why not just see how the Colonel and Lieutenant got together themselves, and then somehow take credit for it?

"Come on, Black Hayate …"he muttered under his breath, hoping the dog would somehow bring the Colonel and Lieutenant together. He was about to leave the office in search of Roy to tell him about Riza when the office door banged open yet again. In came Colonel Mustang, Black Hayate in his hands, looking more distressed than ever.

"I called her home phone, she wasn't there, I asked around, and no one said that they saw her… Where is the Lieutenant? What if something's happened to her? What if some damned homunculus is chasing after her, what if…Oh, where are you Riza?" he said, wildly checking around the room incase she had come back there. Sweat dripped off of Fuery's face as he saw the Colonel looking so wild.

"It's alright Colonel!" he yelled, quickly as Falman, Breda, and Havoc all rolled their eyes (Breda on top of his desk at the sight of Black Hayate) at the familiar scene. "Hawkeye was merely held up by an acquaintance of some sort! She just came into the office, looking for you and Black Hayate!" he exclaimed. Roy stared at him for a second, before his facial expression became sheepish and embarrassed.

"Oh….well then, which way did she go?" he asked, sounding annoyed at his own display of weakness. Fuery meekly pointed to the direction she had left in, and the Colonel hastily went out to follow her. Fuery stared at his retreating back for a second before deciding to follow him as well.

After a couple minutes of brisk walking, Fuery caught up with the Colonel catching sight of Riza, and sprinting up to her. At a distance, he saw the Colonel yell the Lieutenant's name, Black Hayate barking cheerfully at the sight of his master. Riza turned around, and after exclaiming something Fuery did not catch, took Black Hayate off of the Colonel's hands, rejoicing in finding him. The Colonel smiled at her, panting, and he saw them walking back together, talking with warm smiles on their faces.

"Thank you so much, Colonel, for taking care of him in my absence," she said formally, an enormous smile plastered over her face.

"It really was nothing, Hawkeye. My pleasure," he said in a rather sarcastic tone, and Riza laughed. Fuery stared at the two, acting so overly friendly, and wondered if Black Hayate had really been that good a matchmaker. They walked to the office, Riza and the Colonel's back hiding Black Hayate from eyes of their military comrades. This brought them abnormally close…

Fuery watched as the two of them made their way back to the office, looking so cozy and adoring, stopping outside the door. They both seemed so reluctant to leave this cozy place they had at the moment, and the leaned towards each other, saying something or the other that Fuery did not catch. However their faces were only a couple inches away from each other…Sweat fell off of Fuery's face like dripping water as he watched their faces move an inch closer as they chatted- would winning the game of matchmaker be so easy?

"Yo, shitty Colonel," a –from-nowhere said. Both the Colonel and the Lieutenant jumped apart while Fuery banged his head as the Fullmetal Alchemist and his brother came into view…

Of course winning the game of matchmaker could not be that easy, even with the amazing Black Hayate.

A/N: You didn't think that there would be no Ed and Al in this fic, did you? Haha- so, I'm not overly happy with this chapter, but yeah- this is what it is…mad. I've got an amazing idea for the next one, though, so wait for it! XD. Thanks to- **Jenny Grammy**,**animegirl101**, **picesgirl01**, **MoonStarDutchess**, **winglessfairy25**, **Kurissyma san Tybalt**, **Ru-Doragon**, **sora loves me best**, **Red's 21****st**, and **MaiiRequim** for the wonderful, awesome, amazing reviews XD. So hope you enjoyed, and don't forget to drop a review!

Happy reading!


	6. In Which Secrets are Revealed

_Disclaimer: I, desert-storm-cloud, do not own the amazing FMA. (It's a sad world after all)…._

**6: In Which Secrets are Revealed **

Wednesday morning dawned, a glorious day for a national holiday. The snow from the morning before was on the verge of melting, the sun shining onto the people of Amestris with an inviting warm glow. Men, woman, and children alike woke up bright and early on this holiday, eager to shop at stores, hang out with friends, and have fun. It was the kind of day that made you smile when you stepped out into the fresh morning air- which was exactly what a mysterious looking woman was doing as she stepped out of her old-fashioned car.

The woman was rather tall, with pretty, let out, shoulder-length blonde hair. She had a normal figure, and a pair of lens-less glasses on, hiding her startling amber eyes. There was nothing unusual looking about this woman, except perhaps the smile that lit up her face. The smile was broad, excited, and looked somehow…unused on her somewhat stern face. The woman stepped out of her car with a bag of groceries in hand and began to make her way to an apartment building not too far off. She passed many women and their children, rowdy teens, couples, and the occasional military man that she would not greet in her way there.

As she passed by a local pub, she glimpsed a few familiar faces (and a familiar body of armor) through the window. A large man, an intelligent looking one, an armored suit, a tiny man with glasses, and a boy with a pony tail and bright red coat all caught her eye. She sighed slightly as she passed them, and then hurried to her destination, the apartment across the street. She stepped inside and climbed the stairs, ringing the bell of a room on the second floor.

A man answered the door. He had a square-jawed face with dark hair, intelligent eyes, and a tall muscled frame. He smiled at the sight of the blond woman in front of him, his eyes suddenly shining at the sight of her.

"Hello, Elizabeth," he said in a deep voice. She nodded in response to his greeting, her own smile widening. He glanced around before quickly inviting her in, skimming the halls for a sign of followers before shutting the door hastily. He turned around to see the woman in front of him pulling off her large glasses, and slipping off her coat. He took them courteously out of her hands, but then dumped the objects unceremoniously on the table beside him. His hands instead had wrapped around the woman in front of him, who turned out to be none other than Riza Hawkeye. His lips instantly fell onto hers, pulling her into a sweet kiss.

"Well, hello there Riza, you look lovely today," he said once he had let her go. She smiled, and Roy gasped.

"She smiles! Oh, what on earth could ever cause such a wondrous and beautiful miracle to occur??" he asked jokingly. Riza rolled her eyes at him.

"I was excited to see you," she said.

"But you see me everyday," he said, surprised. She rolled here eyes again.

"You know what I mean," she muttered, and they both grinned rather like love-sick idiots at each other for a while, before Riza's grin faded.

"Bad news, Roy- they've gone and involved Edward and Alphonse in that little game of theirs as well," she said, and Roy groaned. He tugged Riza's hand and led her into his kitchen, grabbing the bag of groceries as he went.

"Why do we have such stupid subordinates, Riza? Trying to set up a couple that's already been together for half a year- moronic nitwits," he muttered, placing the bag of groceries on the table. "As if you wouldn't notice when Havoc followed you into my apartment, as if we wouldn't talk to each other about Breda's 'important information,' as if we wouldn't realize what Falman was up to," he ranted, bringing out vegetables to chop. "I mean, who ever came up with the stupid game of matchmaker anyway?" he bristled, nearly cutting his finger with a knife. Riza quickly stole said knife away from his hands, gently prodding Roy to go and get the bread for some sandwiches.

"I think it's somewhat amusing," she said, expertly chopping lettuce and tomatoes. Roy grumbled something that sounded like "annoying buggers" as he brought out some cheese, apples, and a variety of other foods.

"Do you think we should continue to seem perfectly oblivious to what they are doing? Or should we let them know we know, but not tell them we are actually…? Because I don't think I'm ready to tell Havoc, Breda, Falman, Fuery, and now Fullmetal and Alphonse about it," he mused, pulling out his picnic basket from a cabinet and beginning to place food for the picnic inside it. Riza helped him pack their outing basket, finally closing it, and then giving Roy a reassuring kiss on the lips.

"We'll figure something out- try not to worry about it right now. Remember, it's our day off and we need to relax," she said. Roy sighed and nodded. He led Riza out the kitchen, handing her the glasses and coat she had worn coming in. She would take them off when they reached the secluded grove in the park anyway. He locked the door as he left his apartment, his fingers brushing against "Elizabeth's" as they walked.

A/N: Yes, relatively short- but the secret's out to all you readers! Make sure you don't let Havoc and the others know just yet xD! Next chapter is gonna be a flashback from Roy and Riza's point of view, and then yes, Ed will come into this fic, as promised. Also - it's been a while since I last updated- sooo much school work! However, thank you all for the support you've given this fic! Also thanks to-**animegirl101**, **kaely, Havoc's Honey, Therrin-Ninja, picesgirl01**, **winglessfairy25**, **Kurissyma san Tybalt**, **Ru-Doragon**, **Tears of a Broken Sniper**, **Red's 21st**, **MaiiRequim, i-mercuryuk, and YourFavouritePlushie **for the fabulous reviews- they really motivate me to keep writing xD Hope you enjoyed! Drop a review?


	7. Part I: In Which there is a Flashback

Disclaimer: I, the wonderful and magnificent desert-storm-cloud, own Fullmetal Alchemist… No, not really

_Disclaimer: I, the wonderful and magnificent desert-storm-cloud, own Fullmetal Alchemist… No, not really. I fooled you, didn't I?_

**7: In Which there is a Flashback from a Different P.O.V.: Part 1**

Friday morning is usually an enjoyable day of the week. The stress of a whole five says is finally about to end, work/school is winding down, and people are getting ready to chill out and have fun for their two days off. However, Roy Mustang was sincerely beginning to hate his whole Friday. There was only one more day of work until the weekend, and Roy's head was full of impatience for Saturday, as he would be spending the day with Riza Hawkeye (Elizabeth for code).

Roy longed to hold Riza's hand in his as they talked about a brighter future, drop the pretense of colleague boundaries, kiss her lips without fear of being caught- but Friday did not seem to want to go by quickly enough. It dragged on as time often does when one looks forward to something too much. Roy sighed as the clock struck ten: he had barely been in the office for two hours, and he already couldn't wait to get home.

Sighing impatiently, Roy stared down at the piece of paper he should have signed half an hour ago. He had no idea what the paper said. He decided to re-read it again, but he looked up after the first two words (State Alchemists) to glance at his lovely 1st Lieutenant. Her sharp eyes were focused on her papers as usual, a most diligent worker. Or not.

Riza's eyes strayed quickly towards Roy: whether drawn to him by the power of his gaze, or of her own accord, Roy couldn't tell. Brown eyes met black, and Riza Hawkeye dared to give Roy a secretive, yet encouraging smile. _Just_ _one_ _more_ _day_, it said. Her eyes fell back to her paperwork again, right after she made sure no one had seen her smile at her superior officer.

Roy sighed again, showing her how he could not wait for one more day to pass. He stared unfocusedly at the pen in his hand, listening to the clock above his desk tick. It ticked once, twice, thrice…a minute had passed. And another. Roy sighed again, dropping his pen and stretching his arms.

"Working, Colonel?" Riza asked in a dry and professional voice. Roy paused, mid-stretch, a sheepish grin forming on his face. How did she know him so well?

"Of course, Lieutenant," he lied, putting his arms down. "I'm going to the bathroom for a minute," he said. He threw Riza a quick, meaningful look before rising and hastily heading for the door. He hoped Riza got the message and would follow him after. He made his way outside the office, past the "Men's restroom" sign, and stopped in front of a closed off door in a deserted corridor.

Ignoring the "Out of Order" sign, Roy glanced around to make sure that the hallway he was in was empty before stealing into the bathroom, easily knocking off the tape that held the door shut. All he had to do now was wait for Riza to come here as well. Even that wait was agony. A second passed, then two, then…

Inside Roy Mustang's office, Riza Hawkeye stood up with menace in her eyes.

"The Colonel's been gone for twenty five minutes- I'm sure he doesn't need that long to finish his business," she said, her eyes flashing dangerously. "I'm off to find him," she announced to the office, getting up and stowing the gun on her desk in her jacket. Havoc, Breda, Falman, and Fuery all nodded or grunted in response, watching Riza march out with murder written all over her face. They at least had some free time alone...

Riza stomped through military headquarters, making a show of trying to find her Colonel that was slacking off again. People in the crowd heard her and laughed rudely at the man with so high a position at such a young age, trying to avoid paperwork. Riza ignored them, going around and publicly asking her friends if they had seen him. She had men go into the men's restroom to search for Roy, while she muttered under her breath about the irresponsible Colonel.

"The Colonel ran off again," a military officer said as he watched Riza march down to the next hallway.

"Go figure," his companion replied with a resentful chuckle. "He always runs away from paperwork." Those two lines repeated themselves multiple times throughout the halls.

Riza finally reached a deserted corridor with just one door that harbored the sign, "Out of Order." Checking behind her to make sure she had not been followed, Riza quickly vanished behind the door. Inside, her eyes instantly found Roy, a smirk plastered on his face.

"Did everyone fall for it?" he asked. Riza rolled her eyes.

"Obviously, as usual," she said smoothly. 'They always do, but that was rather childish of you, you know, Sir," she scolded, but closed the distance between them nonetheless.

"Don't call me Sir when we're alone," he huffed, pulling her into a quick kiss. "Now, what was childish of me?"

"Escaping here," Riza said. "You need to learn some patience- you won't have to work for a whole two days if you just finish up here today," she said.

"I'm not impatient because of the prospect of no work- no matter how wonderful it is. I can't wait till today ends because I can see you again on informal grounds."

"You mean like you are, now?" Riza asked, trying and failing to sound severe.

"Yeah, like now," Roy grinned, capturing her lips again in a not-too-sweet-or-innocent kiss. Riza broke away first, gasping for breath, her eyes smoldering as she looked up at Roy in a similar state as her.

"I can't wait for that either, but we have to _work_, and that entails being professional towards each other in public for one more day. Now let's get back to the office," she said. She pecked him lightly on the cheek and pushed him outside again. She followed, pointing her drawn gun at his back, marching him through the halls towards his own office. Roy was somewhat thankful that the crowd had thinned in the halls due to some un-important meeting taking place in the Fuhrer's office. There were fewer witnesses watching as he was forced under gunpoint to make his way to his own office. Jokingly, right before entering, Roy pretended to make a run for the opposite hallway, and Riza shot after him with her aim carefully astray.

Roy's office door opened, revealing Havoc, Breda, Falman, and Fuery laughing at the sight of him being chased by the blond woman. He ducked into the office quickly, hoping one of Riza's astray bullets would nick his subordinates in the—

"Comrades- the couple who we are going to set up is- Colonel Roy Mustang and Lieutenant Riza Hawkeye!" Roy heard Havoc say as he seated himself hastily in his desk. Riza must have heard Havoc say that as well, but only anger showed on her face as she glared at Roy- she was a very good actress, after all, as was he.

Roy wondered at the stupidity of his subordinates- deciding to set up an already existing pair that was unconditionally in love. They were really more troublesome than they were worth.

A/N: Long time no update, I know- I'm really really sorry. Hope you enjoyed the chapter- the first flashback into Roy and Riza's secret relationship. A hearty warm thanks goes out to-**YourFavouitePlushie**, **picesgirl01**, **Rissyma**, **MoonStarDutchess**, **winglessfairy25**, **Therrin-Ninja**, **kaely**, **MaiiRequiem**, **animegirl1o1**, **silientbreeze**, **WhiteRosary**, **totalnarutofangirl85**, **Tears** **of** **a** **Broken** **Sniper**, **Dreaming** **Rain**, and to **Devatron2000** for the reviews that so made my day! You guys are wonderful! Thanks for reading, and don't forget to drop a review!


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